People say hurtful things. It’s a fact of life. Those things they say have nothing to do with you. Some people who are broken inside use words to project their pain on others. They think that by making others miserable, it will somehow make themselves feel less miserable. There is an old saying, “misery loves company.” Really, misery has no “love” for self or others. A miserable person may desire to push others deeper into misery, as a distraction from their own lack of love.
If misery loves company, you still get to choose the company you keep. It is your choice whether or not you allow them to pull you into their darkness. It is also your choice to turn the tables and shine a little light into their darkness. If you can pull yourself out of the mindset of believing those hurtful words, you can begin to understand the painful place those words are coming from.
I learned early on in my spiritual awakening that nothing helps you heal more than helping another heal. I believe that also applies to bullying. As a victim of bullying, you know deep inside their words are not true.
The first step is simple. Don’t let anyone define you with their words. You know yourself better than anyone and you are the only one who should define yourself. Words come and words go. What those words do as they pass through you is your choice. If you let those words bounce around inside your head and consume your thought, you will start believing them. Be calm, let the words flow through you and know that it isn’t you who is broken, it is the bully.
The next step requires inner strength and can help you build self discipline. Deflect rather than absorb. It is easier to resist anger with untrue words than it is with true words. A simple response, whether you say it out loud or to yourself; “That is your opinion. It is not who I am.” Your body language and the energy you project while deflecting may determine how successful this technique will be. Be firm, stand tall and speak confidently. Believe what you say and say what you believe.
Step three is by far the most difficult and it may take time before an opportunity arises to take this step. Reaching out to understand where those words originate and why they are being spoken. Everyone is on a spiritual journey through life and everyone is in a different place in their journey. If you can understand someone else’s journey, it is easier to help them find their way. It is said that misery loves company, but misery needs love. If you feel broken because of someone’s words, use that broken feeling to understand why those words are spoken. Hateful words are often a reflection of the person speaking them. That means they are really the broken one, not you. This final step is where your true empathic self can tap into your intuition and shine a light into someone’s darkness. Trust what you feel deep inside, far beneath where those hurtful words lie. Allow yourself to be a channel of loving kindness and you will intuitively know the words to speak. If the words are kind and helpful, they are from spirit. If the words are unkind and hurtful in return, they are from human emotions such as ago. Those words may not be instantly healing or immediately diffuse the situation but sometimes all you can do is plant a seed and hope it takes hold. Be a loving gardener for the universe, plant those seeds and know that somehow, some way the universe will bring that love back to you.